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Madvillan
Kapitän Klugscheißer
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#551
07-17-2014
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this is like the 5th time I've passed 5k, either my posts keep getting deleted or threads keep disappearing lol
HAble
Praying for tidal waves..
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#552
07-17-2014
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I need to stop going to bed sad or upset.. I feel like I've done this for almost the entire past month and it's starting to destroy me. I can't sleep, and if I finally do it's usually after hours of laying in bed, In which I'm usually just replaying the day or the past in my head and feeling more upset about it. I've never been someone to feel depressed, but fuck these past 2 months have definitely brought some real lows coupled with very few highs. I'm slowly losing myself and even the ideas of the things that make me happy, and I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I'm just lost and I don't know what to do about it.

2 am rant after trying to sleep for an hour and a half already.
Xyox is gay
HAble
Praying for tidal waves..
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#553
07-17-2014
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HUGE RANT BELOW, NOT WORTH THE READ. Just needed to vent. I'd put in spoiler tags but on my phone and it is being annoying at the moment.


I feel so strong during some days, but too weak to even think about walking other days when something happens either in my relationship or my life. Stupid little things that the old me would make a joke about pierce my fucking mind and plague my emotions for days on end. I can walk in the gym and feel like a God, then get to my car and almost breakdown thinking about the events that occurred recently that day or the past week. I can get off the phone with my roommate after joking around for an hour and laughing, hang the phone up and feel more alone than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like everyone I don't care about cares about me, and everyone I want to care about me doesn't really give a shit.. I moved away from my best friends, my family, my coworkers, The kids I teach tennis... I moved away from everyone who loved me for one person who I don't even know if they still love me... and that's the hardest thing to deal with. I feel like I abandoned everyone I know and loved, and they still support and love me 2000 miles away, while the person who now lives 20 minutes away doesn't really seem to give a shit, or at least show they do.

I've literally just gotten to the point where I feel completely broken as a person whenever I'm by myself, which is nearly all the time. All I see is this guy who is willing to do anything for this one stupid person who doesn't seem willing to do anything in return... and that makes me feel the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life, and like I'm worth nothing. I'm broken, sad, useless, bored.. I'm just not HAble... When I think back to myself with the name "HAble" I think of this stupid, shy, arrogant little dickhead that somehow grew up to be respectable. But now I feel like I'm 22 going on 13 again, with no emotional capacity for anything and I've lost my "who gives a fuck" mentality. I hope I can find that again soon... because honestly, Steve sucks right now. I hate Steve... I hope I can find that happy medium between dumbshit, arrogant, not give a fuck HAble, and good guy, will do anything to help.. and is happy, Steve.
Xyox is gay
Chubbymax
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#554
07-17-2014
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have a sad cum bb
Gunman
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#555
07-17-2014
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The worst part about throwing up is cleaning the mess afterwards.
HAble
Praying for tidal waves..
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#556
07-17-2014
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Even worse if you do it when you're drunk and say "fuck it, I'll clean it tomorrow". Been there before.
Xyox is gay
ohem
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#557
07-17-2014
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sounds like you are with the wrong person hable.
Desa
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#558
07-17-2014
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so much you need to hear and understand, and it requires someone who can articulate it all properly

someone shake this kid, it's ripe now
PM
1 authentic experience
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#559
07-17-2014
Default

i'll give it a quick whirl. azn girl was never interested in u but only ever in her idea of u, in other words, u as the thing which (to and for her) validated her own sought-after imago. once u moved beyond name/representation (by moving) u become unenjoyable. also consider that it wasn't even good in the beginning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cursed Lemon View Post
Here's the problem - I am not a means to the end of rape culture, I am the end. I am literally the termination of this whole ordeal.
here's the problem

Last edited by PM; 07-17-2014 at 07:20 AM.
Desa
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#560
07-17-2014
Default

and now a quick whirl about his self and we've got a pretty package
 

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