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l Atrophy l
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#61
01-06-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HEiGHT iZ NaSTy View Post
Don't try so hard just let it kinda come out.
That makes for shitty poetry most of the time.
It might mean a lot to you, but no one else will get it.
Ian
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#62
01-06-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HiwicK View Post
I just got into writing again, I wrote this to a girl I like this morning.. and you can probably tell i'm confused about the situation, I'd like for you to tell me what you think, or how I could get the message across a little easier

two languages spoken in sound and movement,
Perplexed rain sinks through umbrella's
fingerprints and synthetic replacements,
Why don't the pieces fit?
Well I've been around this part of town before,
dishonesty is another word for utopia
A completed puzzle and a misshapen result,
Speak in cursive I won't be able to hear
These are the voices that have leftovers,
I'm the stray that is here just to be fed
We smile at our reflections,
Our outlines are more revealing than expected
I've got nowhere to run, I can't even ask why
I look up and see mirrors in the sky
Let them rain, let them pour,
I'll need help opening this umbrella
But for now it's best to be drenched
I thought it was good. It's really hard for me to make changes to other people's work, because they wrote it, not me. The "utopia" didn't really make sense to me in context. I might replace it with dystopia, unless there's a reason for utopia. Maybe I'm just not getting it.
Oh, you.
l Atrophy l
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#63
01-06-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qu4dra View Post
I thought it was good. It's really hard for me to make changes to other people's work, because they wrote it, not me. The "utopia" didn't really make sense to me in context. I might replace it with dystopia, unless there's a reason for utopia. Maybe I'm just not getting it.
This is my problem with it also. That one line didn't make much sense.
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#64
01-06-2010
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Let me try and explain, good sir's.

My friend was telling me about the book "utopia", in greek, utopia means impossible

And while we were watching tv, on a politics discussion, a man used the line "Well, you see, in a perfect world" He meant, it would be nice, but it's never going to happen

"Well I've been around this part of town before,
dishonesty is another word for utopia"

It basically means, if she was being 100% truthfull to me, dishonesty would be impossible, but in our situation it is not.. And the last time I've been in a relationship where it peaked, honesty was key, as well as communication, to explain "well i've been to this part of town"

It's a little hard for me to elaborate, sometimes I just write without thinking

Quote:
Originally Posted by belayet12 View Post

This site is crashing into troll hell, with elitist junkies, ignorant sports fans, pretentious douchebags swarming around and did i mention trolling?
Cynic
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#65
01-06-2010
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I remember my English professor mentioning something about writing poems soon, so maybe I should practice a bit.

Okay, so I came up with this:

Alone I sit for days and days.
I've lost the pathway of happiness.
Can you help me find what I'm searching for?
My sanity is at risk.

Dreams uncertain.
Fantasies distorted.
Lines blur even more.
The loss of hope is not something I can afford.

Life's sullen corrosion;
decadence seems persistent.
Where has my sunshine gone?
The inner child really misses it.

My mind has wondered
for so very long: "When
will life play a tune that allows
me to sing along?"


Last edited by Cynic; 01-06-2010 at 10:20 PM.
dano
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#66
01-07-2010
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I love poetry, and I've wrote quite a few things. I'll try and post some of my work. I'm liking the interest here.
Ian
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#67
01-07-2010
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Hikick: Makes more sense now, thanks for clearing that up.

Mutiny: I really liked the last stanza of yours.
Oh, you.
Ian
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#68
01-10-2010
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I'm getting sad I have to bump this so much.
Oh, you.
Cynic
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#69
01-11-2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qu4dra View Post
I'm getting sad I have to bump this so much.
I might come up with another one soon.

AshTre
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#70
01-11-2010
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I'll post one in a bit!

"Our thoughts, values, every ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ ‘if’ and ‘but’ grow from us with the same inevitability as fruits borne on the tree — all related and each with an affinity to each"



"
Digressions, objections, delight in mockery, carefree mistrust are signs of health; everything unconditional belongs in pathology."
 

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